So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
