I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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