Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
