I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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