PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
