how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize