Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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