I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
