There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
