Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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