she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
sex in a hospital.. check
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
