a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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