Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I fill condoms, not promises.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
