the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
