sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
