What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
