You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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