Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
