I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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