Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
