At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
