The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
my phone needs a breathalizer
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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