Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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