this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
