mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
