the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
