If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
We had sex on a dog bed..
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