Acid is not a monday night drug
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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