I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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