someone owes me an orgasm
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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