When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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