after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
