I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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