jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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