I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize