her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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