if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Randomize
