3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
