I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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