Yo dont text me then not text me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
