The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize