Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
