I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize