She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
