am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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