apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
