im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
