its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
