fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
