Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
MIDGETS
????
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
