Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
