whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
