theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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