I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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