I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
