Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect