Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.