Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
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At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
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He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
and you fell through a lawn chair
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.